(I Also Write Children's Books!)

Monday, September 2, 2019

Can I Get Opinions?

It's time to write a new Supervillain book.  Hooray!  I plan on never making Penny the main character again.  Boo!

This time, I'd like to write Mirabelle.  I have a story in mind, but she's a challenging main character.  So, I have written the first scene of the book, and I could super use feedback on whether it's fun like Penny's books are fun.

The PDF version
The MOBI version
The EPUB version

I can't guarantee the Mobi and Epub work right.  I was getting weird line wrap issues.  But maybe that was my ereader.


  1. Good start.

    You have a nice pool of characters to play with, can't let them go to waste.

  2. My opinion is: "MORE! MORE! MORE!" Please and thank you. :)

  3. It's an intriguing start, and Mirabelle is a surprising but not unwelcome choice (personally I was hoping for the adventures of Reluctant Magical Girl Ampexia but that's neither here nor there) but to be honest no, it's not 'fun' in the same way Penny's stories were.

    I'm not 100% sure why but to me it feel like Mirabelle's describing the events rather than living them. For example compare the opening scene of Supervillain, where Penny's spend paragraphs bickering with her friends to this, where Mirabelle barely says more than a sentence each to any of the four / five other characters that pop in and out of the scene. I find this make her more detached somehow, which admittedly does make some sense comparing their backstories.

    This isn't to say I don't want more, I do, I just get the impression this is a different type of protagonist, so she's probably going to have a different type of adventure.

  4. Being completely honest, I do not like the way the first few paragraphs start it off. It feels a bit awkward, and I feel that just some slight modifications could make it a lot smoother of a start and would "feel" a bit better, for lack of a better description. I would be happy to try to clarify and show what I mean, but a blog comment doesn't seem appropriate for that. If you would like, feel free to e-mail me or just respond here and let me know to e-mail you.

    That said, this was a fun read and I would definitely like to see it expanded upon. It isn't fun in the same way as Penny's books, but I can see it quickly getting there.

  5. I think your off to a good start with this. I like what you're doing with each new point of view. Opening with something that gives a quick sense of personality while still maintaining the sense of fun that pervades these super villain books is no small feat.

  6. Late to the game, but I like it. I agree with what some of the others are saying, with regard to the opening being much different from Penny's stories, but as another commenter stated, this is a different protagonist; ergo, a different approach may be in order.

    I just discovered your books as I was recovering from a distinct lack of superhero books after reading Drew Hayes's "SuperPowereds" series, and I have enjoyed Penny's story. I was tickled to see that Henchmen is out :)

  7. It's a bit abrupt in its start.

    I get the hook line and it works, but even after you had your hook line with Penny's first book, promising that she gets super-powers, you went back and established the how of it. The fact that subsequent books build on this is alright, because you've already got it down in that first book.

    Mirabelle hasn't really had any exposure all her own. She was mentioned but not explored in a couple of Penny's books. The only thing I remember about her is when Robot Penny gets her to heal the heart of gold. Might just be me, in fairness. Still, given that, she could do with a little more background of her own.