(I Also Write Children's Books!)

Saturday, November 17, 2018

The Real Sample

Okay, folks.  Here is the test.  I have written what I intend to be the first chapter of the currently untitled new cyberpunk book.  A dropbox link to a pdf is the best I can give you.  If anyone wants to read it, I would appreciate knowing if I have a Property, something that people will want to read if I write a full book or books.

Serenity Rose, Chapter One

EDIT - DANG it.  I knew Serenity Rose sounded familiar.  It's the name of the heroine from Heart Shaped Skull.  I like that comic, and I'm absolutely not going to copy the character name.  Oh, well, I'll come up with another.


  1. Overall I liked it, and definitely wanted to keep reading when I got to the end of the chapter.
    That being said I did find the opening scene at the orphanage a little clunky in how it introduced the charters and setting, and it took a little bit of time for me to get into Serenity’s head. I think this might be because she spends most of her time thinking about things rather that talking about them like other people, Penny would do with Ray & Clare, but it’s unfair to judge with just the one chapter.
    Still the world seems fleshed-out and it ended with a few promising questions so I’m interested to see where it goes.

  2. I'm definitely interested to see where the story goes, and the setting seems pretty interesting overall.

  3. Echoing Hon B.
    The first bit about “metal skin-web once ...” drove me crazy, so many names in short space with zero introduction. I felt that way for a while with names (“fidget”) that didn’t have much meaning yet - couldn’t even decide male/female for some.

    But by the time of the robbery, and on to the climax, I’m definitely ready for more. I’d just hope the rushed nature of the beginning, gets edited.

    Thanks for the opportunity.

  4. First off, I really enjoyed it and look forward to reading more!

    Secondly, I also agree that the beginning was hard to keep track of. Perhaps Serenity could walk past some of the others on her way to Ms. Understanding? Seeing snippets of their actual interactions along with Serenity's thoughts about their interactions would be cool.

    Third, I really want a pair of gravity boots! I'm not courageous or crazy enough to do most of the stuff in here, but they'd still be lots of fun.

    Finally, if anyone managed to hack and compromise Fry Smiley, they'd likely be set up to pull some pretty scary stuff… The newer versions could make that less likely though.

  5. Once Serenity got out of the orphanage, it became good but before that, it was a confusing mess. On the plus side; I am very interested to read more as I thought the setting and MC were interesting. I won't say this start is a slam dunk but it has a lot of potential.
    BTW; any word on you getting the rights of Penny and gang back?